Wisps of bacon waft through the air, I opened my eyes momentarily misplaced. I had been dreaming of home. We have a date to move home…the very day we moved out last year. I’m excited, nervous, and slightly terrified. The journey though we’d be home is long from over. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to grow too attached…what if we have to sell? Those beloved mountains would be lost again to me.
But I shake my head clearly away clobwebs of fears. Clobwebs intentionally spelled because fear both clobbers you and spins sticky unholy webs of lies. I made up a word that seemed fitting for the moment. Reorienting myself I glanced beyond the thoughts of concerns-legitimate as they are: Hope. There she is. Faith tugged on my heart… reminding me no matter what happens God is still good. He will see us through. As of yet, He hasn’t said we’d lose our home. All points to going home and living there. So I’ll keep what I believe to be true: that we will be home on the day that marks a year.
Coffee arouse me to move. My heart both filled with sorrow and joy as I slowly crawled painfully out of bed. Long hours are spent working at the house, no point in a gym when I lift and move heavy things. Try a 300+ pound wooded counter for size with 3 people…two being petite women while strong shouldn’t be lifting. Working at home isn’t the same as living there. It is strange. Stranger still to have no canine to greet us, but how grateful to have a feline that meows his hellos and comes in for snuggles. He’s adopted my room and is spoiled like a little king. Happier than I’ve seen him a long time- he now knows the words “our room” and will actually go in there on command. Joy fills me when I think of the work being down that will make a difference in my family life, in others. Soon it will be over and I will most certainly be glad of it.
But there is an art to having joy in the midst of hardship. To choosing to see the good, to delight. We’re living with a family friends that we’ve known for over 25 years. It will be I know one of my very favorite summers. We have settled into a routine of sorts that has helped heal each one of us and yet there is also a sense of adventure. It has helped us learn excellent habits and that we can in fact live harmoniously with others. Beautifully actually in a way that has tended to areas that I long thought dead.
We’re ( speaking for myself, my mom, and my sister) are not the same people even 3 months ago. For 9 months we bounced from place to place often without my Dad whose work schedule only allowed us to see him a handful of times. We learned to fend for ourselves, to rely solely on God, and to figure out how have one foot working at home and the other in plain on survival. I know for a fact we will be returning home not the same. That’s what’s scares me. Because home so familiar and yet so not. The old ways of doing things are no longer for newness has come. Yet…I am also thrilled and excited. Newness is a new slate to have opportunities opened like never before. To actually see dreams come to life made possible by completely releasing and following through on God’s leading. It is going to be so very good.